When I watched this video, it brought tears to my eyes, sap that I am. I thought I’d try to leave you with a smile for the weekend.
Tip o’ the blog to Life 2.0 for linking to the video and making my day when I found it.
Getting Heard at Work: What to Say When You Don't Feel Heard
29 September 2006 by
“The more I think someone isn’t listening to me, the angrier I get. The louder I get.” She said this, well, quite loudly.
I was chatting recently with a woman exec named K. She’d called about some conflict management coaching and I had asked her what most trips her up in difficult conversations at home or work.
“So,” I replied, once the echo on the phone line had died down, “you tend to raise your voice when you don’t feel heard?” Talk about stating the obvious. She was succinct: “Yes. And I think it scares people sometimes.” Pause. “It scares me. I don’t like that I do it.”
K. isn’t alone. [Read more...]
Channeling Elaine: How Seinfeld Helped Me Apologize
27 September 2006 by
My Man from the Midwest, Rod, is a major Seinfeld fan. He still tunes in old episodes many evenings, though they’re all pretty well known to him already. I enjoyed Seinfeld when it was originally on t.v. but am not generally someone who wants to see any show again and again…and again.
But Elaine came to my rescue the other day, bless her. So maybe all that viewing paid off. If you’re not familiar with Seinfeld, Elaine (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) was one of the primary characters.
Some background and context is surely in order here. Elaine couldn’t dance. No, worse than that. Elaine’s dancing was like new age dance moves done by a Night of the Living Dead character. Just picture that for a moment. There was one episode in particular in which her frighteningly funny moves were the focus and Rod knows that episode well. [Read more...]
A Few Words from Great Hearts and Minds
25 September 2006 by
Here are a few posts by fellow movers and shakers whose reflections I value. I thought those of you who visit Conflict Zen® might appreciate them too:
- Robyn McMaster’s Stay Positive to Negotiate Winning Deals
- Life 2.0′s How to Hire Innovative People
- Liz Strauss’ Finding Your Frequency in Business and in Life
- Christine Kane’s Reach Out and Trust Someone
- Ellen Weber’s 5 Top Questions to Ask Teams Before The Flop and What’d You Really Mean? Meta-Messages at Work
- Guy Kawasaki’s Why Smart People Do Dumb Things
Cheers,
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.
How red converse all-stars taught me my first negotiation lesson
18 September 2006 by
This one’s for any of you who step a bit too readily into conflict. The take-all-comers folks. Those of you who’d love to be a little less reactive to the day-to-day squabbles that make up a part of life.
When I was eight, I rather desperately wanted a pair of “boy sneakers.” Up until then, I had been wearing the little white canvas “girl sneakers” that a lot of mothers seemed to buy their daughters in the 60s. All of my girl classmates had them too.
I couldn’t stand those sneakers.
I thought, though the word may not have existed then, that they were dorky. I seemed to go through a lot of them because I wore out the toes. Those little girl sneakers just didn’t stand up well to tree climbing, kickball, stopping bikes with a toe-drag, and building forts in the woods.
I wanted a pair of red boys’ Converse All-Stars. I think it was probably my older brother who started it. He’s 10 years older than I and I worshipped the ground he walked on. He was already a hip artist intellectual college student when I was eight and he had a pair of red Converse All-Stars.
I recall being a complete pest about it with my mother. Whining. Cutting out pictures from magazines and planting them “casually” around the house. Stuffing extra socks into the toes of my girl sneakers and hobbling around, pretending they’d already gotten too small for me. Did I mention whining?
When I got my red All-Stars I went straight to heaven, which in those days was our giant yard and the horse’s field down below it. I recall running around and around, staring down at my newly beloved feet.
As my mother tucked me into bed that night, she asked how I liked my sneakers. I’m sure I practically beamed with satisfaction.
“You know,” she said thoughtfully, “you could have gotten them sooner.”
Sooner? How was that possible? What tactic had I missed? Where had my whining strategy gone so very wrong? Sooner?!
“To be honest, I was ready to buy them for you last month. But you got so annoying about it I figured you could use to learn a bit of patience. Then you started talking about that new bike radio that Laura has. You probably should have focused yourself a bit.”
Well, damn. My first lesson in negotiation. Patience and timing and choosing my battles.
P.S. Eventually got the bike radio, too. My mother proudly noted that I’d handled myself much better on that one.
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.
Conversational Paralysis and All Those Missed Opportunities
15 September 2006 by
Have you put off a difficult conversation in one of your important relationships? Here’s what happened for one woman I know, the longer she put off confronting what was on her mind:
The longer I waited to confront the situation, the more my emotions and thoughts got away from me. My thoughts about what happened got jumbled and dramatic. My emotions got more complicated. So then I put off the conversation because [Read more...]
Fear of Conflict: One of Five Ways Your Workplace Team Could Be Dysfunctional
13 September 2006 by
Dr. Ellen Weber of Brain Based Business has an informative post this week on the culture of dysfunctional workplace teams. In the post, she discusses The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni.
One of the five dysfunctions is fear of conflict. Yep. I can believe that one.
How can I help your team’s functioning?
Copyright © 2006 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.
How Blogs Can Build Relationships: A Chat with Liz Strauss
11 September 2006 by
Years ago, when I first heard of chat rooms and online-only relationships, I was a bit smug in my distaste. How, pray tell, does someone build any kind of real relationship via keyboard? After serving as an online mediator for eBay auction disputes starting in ’99, then entering the business blogging world several years ago, I had to wipe that smug smile off my face.
I’ve replaced it with a smile of genuine appreciation. [Read more...]
September 11: Honor the Memory by Reaching Out
11 September 2006 by
On September 11, 2001, businessman Ed Fine was in the north tower. He survived after walking down 78 stories and getting through the debris cloud of the south tower collapse. Mr. Fine became the symbol of the resilient businessman. But the five years since show us that there’s been something more important on his mind.
In a recent USA Today article, Mr. Fine said this about his experience:
5 Simple Ways to Keep Your Cool in Conflict
4 September 2006 by
People show their frustration and anger in different ways. Some shout. Some sweat. Some grow deadly silent. Some cry. Some become biting with their words. Regardless of how your anger manifests during conflict situations, there are some tried and true ways to de-escalate things for yourself. Here are a few simple ways to manage your anger: [Read more...]
In Relationship Conversations, Give Up Mind Reading
1 September 2006 by
When we’re in arguments with someone we love, it’s tempting to believe we know them so well that we can read their minds. Our relationship conversations become ESP hell.
We know what they’re thinking. We know what they were thinking. Or we know what they are or were really feeling.
Next time you get that urge, conjur up your mental memory of this photo, [Read more...]
Conflict Hack: Blamestorming Is a Waste
1 September 2006 by
Originally coined by Wired Magazine’s Gareth Branwyn, blamestorming is meeting to discuss why something went wrong (a failed project, a missed deadline, a PR mess, a tech disaster) and who is responsible. In blamestorming, “who is responsible” is the real focus.
This is an example, courtesy of the Urban Dictionary:
I just got out of a three hour blamestorming session with IT about the server failure last week; Someone’s going to end up in unemployment over this.
What a waste of everyone’s energy. [Read more...]
