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Conflict Zen

conflict resolution for organizations, teams, executives and managers

Anniversary Retrospective: My Favorites

30 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

This is the last in my 10th business anniversary and 4th blogging anniversary retrospective series. Boy, it took a long time for me to select my favorites and it was a fun trip down several years’ worth of memory lanes.

I finally made the decisions based on two criteria: I had fun writing the post or it was personally meaningful to me, and the post generated feedback (in comments and emails) that told me it was funny or meaningful to many others. These are the ones that made the cut: [Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements

For Strong Client Relationships, Beware the Distancing Spiral

29 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

“Beware the distancing spiral.” I just came across this note in one of my notebooks from a decade ago and never has a truer thing been said. The note was scribbled in the margin, clearly quoting one of my conflict management professors.

Finding the note made me smile because I just said the same thing twice in the past two weeks. I said it to my class of graduate mediation students (I now teach where I once studied). And I said it to a coaching client who’d come to me because of frustrations with a few difficult clients she couldn’t afford to fire. Read on >>

Filed Under: Workplace influence

Anniversary Retrospective: Most-Commented-On Articles

22 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

My 10th year anniversary retrospective continues with a list of my five most-commented-on articles. They’re on this list if they received the most blog comments and email messages combined.

The vast majority of folks who commented on or wrote to me about these articles did so because the article resonated with them in some way, or moved them emotionally and in a good way. Most were women, as I’d expect, since I primarily write here for a female audience.

But a couple of folks wrote to tell me I was, essentially, a dolt. Their words were generally less kind than “dolt,” though. Lucky for them that I’m a mediator with a pretty high tolerance for ineffective communication behavior! Gotta love the rich tapestry of human opinion. [Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements

Anniversary Retrospective: My Most-Read Articles

20 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

conflict zen newsEarlier in the month I said that in celebration of 10 years in full-time private practice as a mediator and conflict management coach and consultant, I would be posting a retrospective of articles. This post is the first in that short series, which will continue into next week…If you’re relatively new to Conflict Zen® I hope they’re helpful and entertaining!

My 10 Most-Read Articles of All Time [Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements

The Most Disastrous Thanksgiving Ever

17 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

When I was in my 20s and my mother was still alive, she broke her hip a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was a major family event each year and my mom had always done it all, a Renaissance woman.

Stuck in a wheelchair, she was sad and unhappy that she wouldn’t be able to handle Thanksgiving that year. No worries, Mom, we all said, we’ll do it. My siblings and I would be there from our various corners of the Northeast U.S. and we decided we’d rally for the cause. My father, never one to cook, would also help out.

It was the most disastrous Thanksgiving in anyone’s memory, before or since. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Conflict management stories

New Conflict Management Mantra: Lose Control, Gain Command

14 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

I must have done something to annoy the tech gods last week…both my Internet connection and my Dell laptop crossed their arms and refused to do a thing. First the Internet, then the laptop, then both.

So I’m writing this from my shiny new evangelism-inspiring Macbook. As I set it up over the weekend, somewhere in my launch travels I came across this quote from Apple, about the act of switching from PC to Mac:

“Lose control, gain command.” [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

A Month-Long Birthday Celebration

8 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

Today marks the end of my 10th year in full-time private practice, my 10th year with a single-minded focus on helping people talk things out in their important relationships at work and home. It also marks, almost to the exact day, four years of blogging on the same subject.

Back in 2002, when blogs were still mostly associated with teenage angst and personal journals, I though I’d try out this new-fangled thing as a business person. I had no readers at all.

[Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements

Conflict Hack: Acknowledging Is Different than Agreeing

7 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

“I get louder when I’m trying hard to get acknowledged and the other person isn’t hearing me. And then—I hate that I do this—I start to cry.”

So said one woman in a recent workshop, after I’d asked what kinds of things pressed participants’ buttons.

Another woman in the audience piped up in response and said, “But what if I don’t agree with what the other person’s said? Why should I acknowledge it and seem like a weakling?”

Ah. There we have it, a common error: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

Conflict Coaching for Marion, Part 1

6 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

A few weeks ago, I received this email from Marion, a reader with her own successful landscape design business:

I had an experience with a client this morning that made me think of you and your posts about resolving conflict.

This client was referred to me by a colleague. I must say that he was the most difficult and challenging client I have had in 7 years of garden design and installation. Communication and expectations were difficult and challenging from the get-go, despite my best efforts to be clear about how things were going to happen and to document everything. After everything was installed I went back this morning, at the client’s request, [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

Fried Green Tomatoes

3 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

Always one to squeeze every last benefit out of a summer’s worth of gardening, I just picked the last of the tomatoes, still green on the vine.

As I stood at the stove, frying the few that didn’t ripen, Rod watched me in silence for a moment.

Then he said, “I cannot be the only man in the universe who gets an unsettled feeling any time the woman in his life makes fried green tomatoes.”

Have a good weekend,
Tammy

Copyright © 2006 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Conflict management stories

In difficult conversations it's ok when dirt precedes the sprout

2 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

untangling disagreementsI’m in the habit of telling new coaching, mediation and consulting clients that the first stages of a difficult conversation can feel as though things are getting a bit messier. It’s usually only for a short time if it happens at all. I tell them this up front to let them know it’s a normal experience and to help them not lose hope when it happens.

Now, thanks to Christine Kane, whose blog I enjoy regularly, I have a terrific image to bring my “heads up” to life and help clients understand it in the spirit intended. Said Christine, [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

Long-Distance Relationship Communication: What's the Real Conversation You Want?

1 November 2006 by Tammy Lenski

A visitor to Conflict Zen® has asked me what he or she might say to comfort a girlfriend who lives two states away. From the note, it sounds like there’s some light tension about the lack of in-person time together.

That brought me back to my college years, when my boyfriend took his junior year abroad in what was still the USSR. Not only were phone calls out of the question, but every letter I received had large chunks blacked out by Soviet censors. Talk about a communications challenge!

This is my reply for the visitor who left the question: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Workplace influence
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Conflict Zen ® is about the simple yet powerful habits of mind and word that radically shift problems and turn conflict into opportunity. Dr. Tammy Lenski, a conflict management consultant for 15 years, shares what really works for organizational, management, business and executive conflict resolution.

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