Conflict Zen

Jean Gogolin is a wordwright. And it turns out she knows a thing or two about apologizing effectively, too.

A wordwright, in Jean’s words, is an “artisan with words. Someone who builds with language like a shipwright builds ships…and teaches others how to do it.” I first met Jean out a meeting of our local chamber and her newsletter, The WordWright, is a favorite. I know for sure there’ll be a gem in there and that Jean’s wit will make finding that gem fun. Her most recent newsletter featured her article How to Say You’re Sorry. Really Sorry and Jean’s kindly given me permission to reprint it here (to subscribe to Jean’s newsletter, be sure to read to the bottom of this post).

How to Say You’re Sorry. Really Sorry.

“I sincerely regret my words; they in no way reflect my true feelings.”

“We regret that our actions may have been misconstrued by some.”

“If my actions were inappropriate, the mistake was inadvertent.”

“My choice of wording was unfortunate, but any offense was unintentional.”

There. Feel better now?

Like global warming, corporate chagrin has become a big story—especially in the beleaguered airline industry, where CEOs have been eating a steady diet of, if not crow, at least humble pie. [Read more...]

When I was in grad school years ago, Dr. Robert Nash was the primary instructor for ethics. I heard horror stories from other students. The general consensus seemed to be, Nash likes to inflict pain, so avoid this elective. I enrolled anyway and it’s one of the best courses I’ve ever taken, from one of the best teachers (I’m told Dr. Nash still teaches ethics, though rumor has it he’s a kinder and gentler Robert these days). I’m a better person for his tutelage.

It’s my favorite reminder about the failings of decisions based on indirect information. Robert Nash returned to my thoughts recently, when in the period of just a few days, two of my conflict management coaching clients described the same “aha” moment about conflict with their own clients. [Read more...]

I saw this and knew I had to share it with you (thanks to creator Doug Savage for his kind permission). I’m a big fan of the cartoon Savage Chickens because it’s totally loony and can make me guffaw like this one did:

In the Q&A on his site, I found these tidbits:

Q: Why chickens?
A: After years of office work, chickens were the last remaining thing that I knew how to draw.

Q: What inspires you?
A: Deep emotional trauma and old A-Team episodes.

You can get your own daily dose of the chickens via Doug’s blog.

Cheers,

Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

Workplace conflict is a good thing. A very good thing. Your workplace or your business would be sunk without it.

Sure, it’s easy to name the problems with workplace conflict. Like the peel of a ripe banana, the problems are what you see first, in a color you can’t miss. Bite in and the taste won’t soon leave your memory. Yet if you peel back the outside layer of a conflict, you’ll find the sweet fruit of a vibrant organizational future.

Workplace conflict is full of benefits if you allow yourself to see and choose them: [Read more...]

The Conflict Management Articles Vault is a monthly feature that dips into the archives and shares still-relevant articles from one year ago:

Conflict Is Like Badly Cooked Vegetables. Yes, indeed, and uncannily like the spinach from my elementary school cafeteria.

Hearts Hurt When Spouses Spat. Quite literally, it turns out.

Making Nice Isn’t Real Resolution, despite what my kindergarten teacher said. [Read more...]

I was leading a conflict management workshop a few weeks ago and we were discussing why conflict feels hard to navigate sometimes.

One participant raised her hand and said, “Because conflict brings out all your stuff.”

“Your stuff?” I asked, inviting her to say more.

“Yeah, your stuff. All the stuff you keep neatly packed away most of the time. Conflict reaches in, opens the bureau you’ve stored away in the attic, and your stuff comes tumbling out.”

“Sounds messy,” I said.

She shrugged. “Can be. But what I think you’re inviting us to do is straighten out our bureau drawers so that when they’re opened, things don’t spring out all over the place and make a God-awful mess.”

What a great image! And folding clothes just took on a whole new meaning.

Copyright © 2007 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.

I had asked Marion for a note she’d be willing to let me share with all of you. This is what she wrote about the conflict coaching experience so far…I’m humbled by her words and impressed by her attitude and spunk:

What I have found most helpful about the coaching I have had so far is the opportunity to do some brainstorming around the specific problem being tackled. For example, discussing a vexing problem with a client, and being reaffirmed that the behavior being exhibited by the client is detrimental to me. Helping me to find the words to say to talk to the client so that I can regain my footing and an even give and take. Instead of being taken advantage of over and over.

The coaching helped me to deal with a problem that had been going on for years, one that I wasn’t happy about. [Read more...]

Last fall, I began coaching Marion, a successful small business owner who wants to strengthen her ability to maintain balance in the occasional conflict situation with a client. Since Marion’s business is seasonal, we agreed to take a coaching hiatus during the winter months, when she has little contact with clients, and gear up again in March, when business also begins to gear up.

When we left off a couple of months ago, Marion had outlined some work she’d continue on her own during the hiatus. And now, as we get ready to pick up our telephone coaching conversations again, I want to fill you in on the stopping off point and Marion’s recent update for me.

When we last talked, Marion had a few great insights from her good reflective work and from experimenting with a few simple strategies for regaining her balance during confrontations. [Read more...]

On March 8, women and men around the globe will mark International Women’s Day with events, discussions, and ceremonies. It is a day for honoring, a day for celebration, and a day of sober recognition of the work ahead.

The United Nations’ theme for IWD 2007 is “Take action to end impunity for violence against women and girls.” Last year, the Secretary-General’s in-depth study on violence against women concluded the following:

Violence against women is the most common but least punished crime in the world. [Read more...]