2007 June | Conflict Zen

Conflict Hack: Buying Time to Cool Down

26 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

conflict hack If you’re in a dispute that’s heating up and you’re finding yourself hot under the collar, make it your mission to stop the conversation.

For now. Let yourself—and the conflict—cool down. When a conflict is escalating and you’re experiencing an emotional hijacking, the conversation is more likely to spiral destructively. There’s no rule that you have to continue a difficult conversation that’s going badly. So, just stop.

It’s far better to take a time out, catch your breath, and get your feet back under you. But what if the other person’s plowing ahead, insisting on trying to finish the conversation you both started?

Your best approach is to be transparent (to a point) and speak to their interests at the same time. Some ways you might say it are: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Workplace influence

My declaration of interdependence

22 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

In this time when the U.S. celebrates Independence Day, it seems especially important to celebrate our interdependence now too:

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

Transforming Workplace Conflict with Appreciative Inquiry

19 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

“What we see,” said English statesman Sir John Lubbock, “depends mainly on what we look for.”

In workplace conflict, the traditional problem-solving approach is to focus on what isn’t working and figure out how to fix it. Yet such negative “spotlighting” can actually have a limiting effect on the potential for creative conflict resolution. And when you focus on what’s wrong, you see only part of the picture…sometimes a small part that gets needlessly magnified.

There is another way: Focus energy on what is working. In the 1980s, David Cooperrider and colleagues at Case Western Reserve University developed an approach they named Appreciative Inquiry (AI), based on the premise that groups “change in the direction in which they inquire.” [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

A Comic Look at PowerPoint

14 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

There’s just something about a summer Friday that begs for fun and humor. Though it’s got pretty much nothing do with with dialogue, relationships, conflict resolution or negotiation, here’s something I’ve been showing to others all week:

With gratitude to David Airey for the find and for the original—and much replicated—smile.
Tammy
Copyright © 2007 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

Conflict Management Articles Vault for June 2007

13 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

The Conflict Management Articles Vault is a monthly feature that dips into the archives and shares still-relevant articles from one year ago:

The Secret to a Happy Marriage: The Shame Maneuver: Boy, did this one generate a lot of emails!
Good Read: The Art of Possibility: One of my favorite books of all time.
The Man Who Stood on His Head: A Tribute to My Father: This is one of the most requested articles from the Conflict Zen® archives. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

How to let go of unresolved conflict

11 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski 9 Comments

untangling disagreements A workshop participant recently asked me, “When I can’t get the other person to talk, and the conflict can’t be resolved, how do I let go of it?”

I’ve had the privilege of bearing witness others’ decisions to let go of an unresolved conflict and move on with their lives. And it really is a conscious decision not to let too much of the past eat up too much of the future. Those decisions, which I’ve witnessed as an executive coach, as a mediator and as a college professor of conflict studies, usually became possible when one or more of these had occurred: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Conflict management stories

One More Vote…Pretty Please?

7 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

Thanks to your votes in the semi-finals, my private office is a finalist in Lifehacker’s Coolest Workspace Contest! Wow, thanks for the support, my friends.

Now the final vote is underway and I’m hoping you’ll vote for my office space one more time. You can vote in less than a minute by visiting the Lifehacker Contest Page before early afternoon on Friday. My office space is the one they’ve named “Making Space” (purple walls, lots of natural wood).

Thank you!
Tammy
Copyright © 2007 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: News and announcements

We Don't Do Conflict in the Midwest

7 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

Rod: We don’t do conflict in the Midwest.

Me: Oh yes, you do. You just do it in silence. And let it build up to the once-in-a-decade mega-explosion.

Rod: Those Scandinavian roots run deep. We don’t do conflict. We avoid conflict. You New Yorkers could learn a thing or two from us.

Me: Like what?

Rod: Like when to be quiet.

Me: Like right now?

Rod: As I said, we don’t do conflict there. I may be here, but I’m from there. So I can’t answer your question.

Me: Couldn’t you Scandinavians learn a thing or two from we New Yorkers?

Rod: Yes, but then we’d only be able to think about what we learned, and it would eat us alive, because we could never say it out loud.

Filed Under: Workplace influence

I Need Your Vote!

5 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

Friends, colleagues, readers…I need your vote! It’ll take you one minute and the link is below.

You see, a while back, I entered my private office into Lifehacker’s Coolest Workspaces Contest and wow, mine was one of the cool workspaces picked for the preliminary round. Now I’m a finalist and the voting has begun. It’s a tough race, as there are some cool competitors. Help me out, won’t you?

Vote here: Lifehacker Coolest Workspace Contest

View the profile of my office here: Battle of the Organizers: Making Space

View just the photos of my office here (you can click on each to see a larger view): Photos only

A little background about my workspace, in case you’re interested: [Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements

The Tammy Behind the Blog

1 June 2007 by Tammy Lenski

Who is the Tammy Lenski behind this blog? That’s what I’ve been asked by several folks who’ve tagged me in an interesting meme circulating right now. The meme invites bloggers to talk a bit about who they are and what’s important to them, revealing a bit about their own lives for their readers.

What’s most important to me, in addition to the work I share with you here?

My Partner: My Man from the Midwest, Rod, and I have been together 18 years this month. We met at a jazz festival and married 7 years later. He’s a college professor of political science. As I looked through our photo collection, I realized just how often one or the other of us is behind the camera, so opted for this formal shot when, for once, we were both in front of the lens a the same moment! [Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements

Conflict Zen

Conflict Hack: Buying Time to Cool Down

My declaration of interdependence

Transforming Workplace Conflict with Appreciative Inquiry

A Comic Look at PowerPoint

Conflict Management Articles Vault for June 2007

How to let go of unresolved conflict

One More Vote…Pretty Please?

We Don't Do Conflict in the Midwest

I Need Your Vote!

The Tammy Behind the Blog

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