Conflict Zen

I’m contributing this week and next over at Notes on Design, offering up a 6-part series called Dialogue Jump-Start: 5 Tips for Difficult Conversations with Clients.

The first post went up today and I hope you’ll drop by Sessions School of Design’s blog to say hello, check out their other terrific content (but fair warning: I got lost in there for over an hour on my first visit, reading through all the compelling topics and tips), and join in the conversation.

To whet your curiosity, here’s what’s on tap: [Read more...]

I recently found myself at a zoning board hearing about a cell tower proposed for my area. People in the vicinity of the proposed location, concerned about the impact on their own property values, health, and, in some cases, lovely scenic views, were asking demanding questions and airing their concerns.

The attorney for the cell tower company, standing at the front of the room, interrupted one speaker. Do you have a cell phone? he asked the speaker, in a pretty unpleasant tone. Then he turned to the room of us, “Ok, show of hands,” he demanded. “How many of you own a cell phone?”

Gotcha, I thought, he’s pulling a Gotcha. [Read more...]

A lot of the people around me want to change the world. My mediation students and faculty colleagues do and that’s what led us to the conflict resolution field. A lot of my clients do, as I tend to draw folks and businesses high on the social responsibility scale. A lot of my family and friends do, since many of them are artists, mediators, social workers, and higher ed folks, all working to change the world in their own ways. I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who care about leaving the world better than when they entered it….something that feels pretty darn hard in the U.S. these days.

I think it’s one of the reasons I was first attracted to Liz Strauss and her blog back in early 2006. [Read more...]

Have you ever uttered words you wish you could take back the minute they leave your lips?

Well, thanks to my big sister, I have discovered the product that will set all wrongs right. It’s the Wash Away Your Sins moist towelette, which my sis gave me in a gift bag last weekend. Hmmm…have I been particularly foot-in-mouth prone lately?

The tagline is, “Right Your Wrongs with a Wipe!” and directions for use include the following: [Read more...]

Have you ever been bursting with a great idea, only to have the door metaphorically shut in your face? I call those dialogue-stoppers “door closers.” The good news is that in most instances, you can get that door opened again.

In 68 Ways to Shut Down Creativity (post no longer available), technical writer Whitney Potsus reflects on those kinds of moments:

We’ve all had it happen to us at some point in our career. The idea that really lit a fire under us, that recharged our enthusiasm, that prompted us to spend our free time researching. The idea that was our chance to introduce something new that would save time, save money, help users, open doors to new opportunities [Read more...]

The Conflict Resolution Articles Vault is a monthly feature that dips into the archives and shares still-relevant articles from one year ago:

The 10 Best Ways to Win an Argument: A little sarcastic humor…must have been brought on by the summer heat.

Changing Your Difficult Conversations Means Doing the Unexpected: A great lesson from one of my mediation students.

Talking to a Spouse or Partner: Comforting Noises Make a Difference: How Rod’s “comforting noises” have become a story people ask for again and again. [Read more...]

How do you know when a dispute is right for mediation? Or that mediation is right for a certain dispute?

Marie sent in her good question last week. Whether or not mediation is useful depends more on the kind of resolution wanted than on the content of the dispute (with gratitude to Beer & Stief of the Friends Conflict Resolution Programs for the useful distinction). In other words, mediation can work regardless of the disagreement’s topic.

Here are some ways I find it most effective to gauge mediation’s usefulness to business partners, co-workers, workplace teams, freelancers and clients, and others:

• Those involved need or want to have some type of ongoing relationship due to the structure of the workplace or situation. Mediation can help reduce the relationship debris in ways that other traditional forms of dispute resolution, such as grievances, may not.
• Those involved feel sufficient dissatisfaction with the present situation that they want things to be different. If there’s something about being in conflict that’s working, or the conflict isn’t particularly problematic, then it may not be the right for mediation.
• Those involved want to maintain control over the outcome. In mediation, the participants decide what will happen and how, which can be important for buy-in to solutions and the likelihood solutions will stand the test of time.
• Those involved have been unsuccessful in resolving the problem on their own or with supervisory/human resources help. If the organization or folks in the dispute have tried other means without success, mediation can make the difference between resolution and firing, resigning, grievance, or dissolving the partnership or business relationship.
• The issues are tangled in strong emotion. Because seasoned mediators know how to work with strong emotion and move conversations forward in those circumstances, mediation can transform a conflict in ways that other approaches may not be able to accomplish.
• The organization or institution supports dispute resolution approaches that empower employees to find better ways to manage their differences. For this reason, mediation has become a sort of professional development tool in some organizations.

A skilled and seasoned mediator should be able to help you or your organization decide whether mediation is the most useful approach to resolving a particular conflict situation and whether the timing is right for mediation.

Do you have a question you’d like me to answer here or directly to you? I’d love to hear from you.

Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

My roundups are links to ideas and articles that help make relationships stronger, conversations more collaborative, and conflict more constructive. This month, I’ve compiled my guest columns and articles published elsewhere:

BoDo: Business of Design Online

• Introducing Creative Conversations
• Nip Client Conflict in the Bud: 3 Tips for Efficient Creatives [Read more...]

Happy Friday!

Thanks to Stu Rees of Stu’s Views for permission to share this cartoon. You can subscribe to get your own cartoons from Stu by visiting his chuckle-inducing site.

Now if I only had a dollar for every time a mediation party has told me that they’d wished their attorney had permitted them to talk to the other side…

Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.