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Conflict Zen

conflict resolution for organizations, teams, executives and managers

Fold an origami crane with video help

31 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 2 Comments

Back in March I offered up instructions for folding an origami crane.

The crane symbolizes peace in Japanese, Chinese and Korean traditions. In Japan, tradition holds that anyone with the commitment and patience to fold 1,000 paper cranes will be granted their most desired wish. For the true story of Sadako Sasaki and the thousand cranes, visit Why an Origami Crane as Your Logo?

If you’re new to Conflict Zen® and haven’t seen the print instructions, or found they didn’t fill in all the blanks, you’re now just 10 minutes away from your own folded origami crane, courtesy of the following clear video instructions from Lisa Shea.

No origami paper? No problem. Use office paper from your recycling stack, used wrapping paper, the funnies, or the map inserted in your last National Geographic. You’ll need a square to start and, if you’re new to origami and cranes, start with a sizeable piece, at least 6″.

[If you can't see the video in your email or feed reader, click here.]

Have fun,
Tammy
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management Tagged With: crane, origami

Anger management along a muddy road

30 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 1 Comment

anger management on a muddy roadTwo monks, Tanzan and Ekido, were walking together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling and had swollen the stream running near the path.

Rounding a bend, they saw a beautiful girl dressed in formal kimono, crying at an intersection.

Tanzan asked, “What is wrong?” The girl explained that she was on her way to a wedding and could not cross the muddy stream without ruining her kimono.

“Come” said Tanzan, reaching out his arms. Lifting her, he carried her across the muddy stream and set her down on the other side. Then, [Read more...]

Filed Under: Conflict management stories Tagged With: zen koan

How to debug a disagreement and focus on what matters

28 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 5 Comments

debug a disagreementI was putting my kayak on the car the other day and mosquitoes, now in full season here in northern New England, kept distracting me from my task.

Tighten one strap, slap at the mosquitoes. Start attaching the other strap, slap, slap. They’re large enough here to have landing lights, so ignoring them is out of the question.

I finally stopped what I was doing, walked into the garage, applied bug repellent, then returned to my task. The 30 seconds it took to apply the bug repellent allowed me to focus my attention on the task at hand, and gave me some relief from the infuriating whine in my ears.

Happily paddling across a lake 30 minutes later, I mused about those mosquitoes. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management

The art of doing conflict slowly

26 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 5 Comments

art of doing conflict slowly“Whatever the tasks, do them slowly with ease, in mindfulness. Don’t do any task in order to get it over with.” – Thich Nhat Hanh, The Miracle of Mindfulnessthe miracle of mindfulness

It’s the rare person who’s willing to confront a difficult conversation slowly with ease, in mindfulness. So many I talk to take the latter approach: Get it over with. As quickly as possible.

Slowing down is one of those insider tips that good mediators know. We know to help the conversation slow down at the points most people want to pick up the pace out of discomfort. We know the importance of attending carefully to the parts that feel uncomfortable, because in those parts are the keys to unlocking the conflict. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Workplace influence Tagged With: thich nhat hanh

A simple meditation for tense and stressful moments

15 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 9 Comments

simple meditationA Unitarian Universalist minister was once my student in a negotiation course. At the end of the course, by way of thanks, he gave me the gift of one of his books, a collection of reflections on life. There’s a gentle calmness about the collection, and one entry in particular that I return to again and again.

In Consider the Lilies Rev. Stephen Shick reflects on a colleague who had a habit of putting the present moment into perspective by comparing it to well-known historical moments. He’d say things like, “We are in the same moment as the Union Army was at Gettysburg right before the reinforcements arrived.”

Stephen turned his friend’s historical predilection into a lovely meditation for tense and stressful moments: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Workplace influence Tagged With: consider the lilies, Stephen Shick, Unitarian Universalist

What change, rumors, Seinfeld and Shamu have in common

11 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 3 Comments

seinfeld and shamuTimothy Johnson of Carpe Factum tagged me in his “blogospheric recycling meme,” inviting me to share 5-10 past posts that I think were under-appreciated. I’m picky about the memes I participate in because I like to stay on topic, and Tim’s let’s me do that.

  1. How Do You Get Someone to Change?
  2. Persistent Workplace Rumors Defy Conventional Response
  3. I’m Sorry: The Four Types of Apology
  4. Negotiation Potholes of the Mind
  5. Secret to a Happy Marriage: The Shamu Maneuver
  6. Channeling Elaine: How Seinfeld Helped Me Apologize
  7. How to Let Go of Unresolved Conflict

I’m tagging Stephen Hopson, Ann Michael, and Alex Blackwell.

Thanks for the opportunity to highlight some of my past work, Tim!
Tammy
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management Tagged With: Elaine, Seinfeld, Shamu

A little gift for the weekend: an origami crane

9 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 4 Comments

origami craneIt’s the weekend, it’s spring, and it’s sunny.

What better excuse for giving a little gift that symbolizes peace?

I’m giving a way a single paper origami crane to anyone in the U.S. who’d like one. Want to see what it looks like? Check out this photo of my business card and crane by Becky McCray, whom I was lucky to meet at SOBCon 2008.

Just leave a comment to let me know you’d like one and I’ll follow up by email to get your mailing address. No strings attached. No getting added to a mailing list. Just something I’d like to share.

Happy weekend,
Tammy
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

Filed Under: News and announcements Tagged With: origami, origami crane

The secret to de-escalating loud, angry conflict

8 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 1 Comment

de-escalating angry conflictThe bailiff unlocked the small courtroom. After telling me to make myself at home, he pointed to a small red button on the wall. “If you need me, just press that button and I’ll be in here faster than you can blink an eye. It’s an emergency button.”

“Ok, thanks,” I replied, and began to unpack my briefcase.

“I mean it,” he said. “Just press the button. Maybe you should set up your chair so you’re near it.”

I gave him a long look. “You seem to want me to know about that button. Is there something else you want to tell me?”

I was about to mediate a messy estate dispute between family members who’d been winding their way through the legal system for a couple years. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Conflict management stories

Conflict Zen now featured in Alltop

7 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 9 Comments

conflict zen announcementIn March Guy Kawasaki announced Alltop: “Alltop is deceptively simple. The site gathers up the best suggestions from the most active social web users and compiles links into a simple, clean discovery space.” I’m a big fan of Guy because I like his sense of humor and smart blog.

Yesterday, I learned that Conflict Zen® is now one of Alltop’s featured blogs. I feel like Sally Field at the Oscars in 1985!

It’s been a good week. On Saturday at the fabulous SOBCon ’08, the Lorelle told me my 10-word description of this blog made her hair stand up (in a good way, it turns out) during an exercise in her workshop, and the audience gave an appreciative “ooh!” when I shared it. The description? I help people untangle disagreements so you love going to work. [Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements Tagged With: alltop, Guy Kawasaki, Lorelle, SOBCon

Everyone wants happiness and doesn't want suffering

5 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 3 Comments

“Everyone wants happiness and doesn’t want suffering.”

I’m amused about the way profound thoughts can be so deceptively simple at first blush. As an executive coach and conflict consultant, I love the elegant simplicity.

Of course, I said to myself as I read Jeffrey Hopkins words, of course. Then I began to muse about the implications of his simple statement and the depths made themselves visible.

Buddhist scholar and author Jeffrey Hopkins served for a decade as chief interpreter for the Dalai Lama. He’s professor emeritus of Tibetan and Buddhist studies at the University of Virginia and his newest book, A Truthful Heart, is presently gracing my nightstand. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Workplace influence Tagged With: a truthful heart, art of happiness

3 simple tricks to calm down during disagreements

1 May 2008 by Tammy Lenski 2 Comments

anger managementIt’s funny how frequently people introduce me as an anger management specialist. It used to puzzle me, because I didn’t think of myself that way.

But I get it now: When I help you express disagreement and negotiate more effectively, I’m also helping you manage your emotional state better.

Here, then, are my three simplest tricks for calming down during disagreements at work or home. I use them myself and for helping others manage their anger, whether I’m helping from the mediator’s chair, the coach’s chair, or the organizational consultant’s chair: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Workplace influence Tagged With: anger management, breathwork
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Conflict Zen ® is about the simple yet powerful habits of mind and word that radically shift problems and turn conflict into opportunity. Dr. Tammy Lenski, a conflict management consultant for 15 years, shares what really works for organizational, management, business and executive conflict resolution.

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