• Home
  • Recent articles
  • Archives
  • Why conflict zen?

Conflict Zen

conflict resolution for organizations, teams, executives and managers

How to screw up an offer of apology

23 July 2008 by Tammy Lenski 15 Comments

untangling disagreementsImagine getting a phone call from the gardener at your out-of-state family home. Now imagine your gardener telling you that your house and your belongings are nowhere to be seen.

That’s the call a Dallas woman received recently about her family home in Jackson, Mississippi.

It turns out that a Jackson State University contractor demolished the wrong house after a “prankster” (way too mild a word) made it look like the woman’s house was the one designated to be razed, instead of a university-owned house. Said a University official, “I’m sad that we made the mistake, and I wish that we hadn’t. It was nothing intentional.”

The apology started out so promising…and ended up so utterly ruined. It’s the implied “but” just before the last sentence that ruined it.

And the homeowner agrees, [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management Tagged With: Jackson State University

A simple way to know if conflict resolution is making progress

16 July 2008 by Tammy Lenski 3 Comments

untangling disagreementsThis is a Zen koan (traditional story) known as Maybe:

A farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbors gathered upon hearing the news and said sympathetically, “That’s such bad luck.”

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The horse returned on his own the next morning, and brought seven wild horses with it. “Look how many more horses you have now,” the neighbors exclaimed. “How lucky!”

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next day, the farmer’s son attempted to ride one of the wild horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. “How awful,” the neighbors said. “It looks like your luck has turned for the worse again.” [Read more...]

Filed Under: Conflict management stories

Conflict zen newsletter, july 2008

13 July 2008 by Tammy Lenski 3 Comments

conflict zen newsletterHugh Prather’s on my mind.

I haven’t thought of Hugh Prather for two decades, but he’s come up twice this week. I was chatting with Liz Strauss and she mentioned his work. When she said his name, it took me a moment to recollect who he was.

That very afternoon, as I packed books from my college years (for our upcoming move one town over), I was startled to find a dog-eared copy of Prather’s Notes to Myself: My Struggle to Become a Person. It had been sandwiched between two larger books on the top shelf of a very tall bookcase. I didn’t even recall still having it.

It’s one of those synchronistic moments when it seems like the universe is trying to get my attention. So I sat down amidst boxes and packing tape and spent a few minutes with Hugh. Here’s one of the reflections that the book opened to almost immediately: [Read more...]

Filed Under: News and announcements Tagged With: hugh prather, liz strauss

A father, a son, a story of fury and forgiveness

11 July 2008 by Tammy Lenski 1 Comment

healthy relationshipsWhat happens when you forgive someone?

Sometimes you unlock old memories of their goodness. Goodness that’s been overshadowed by their transgressions, but still exists.

And sometimes, you unlock your own anger and resentment in the process.

Calvin Sandborn, a professor of environmental law and the legal director of the University of Victoria Environmental Law Clinic, sent me a story of his from Canada’s National Post. The Dark Side of Dad, printed just before Father’s Day, begins, [Read more...]

Filed Under: Workplace influence Tagged With: becoming the kind father, calvin sandborn

7 phrases you can't say in conflict resolution

6 July 2008 by Tammy Lenski 12 Comments

What if George Carlin had been a mediator instead of a comedian?

I’d like to think he’d have challenged some of the conventions and sacred cows of the conflict resolution world, just like he pushed the envelope with the media.

So I’ll do it instead, though admittedly no George Carlin. While there’s no FCC monitor to bleep you if you utter them, these phrases are dirty words in my lexicon and when I hear them, particularly the first one, I cringe inwardly (and sometimes outwardly).

Phrases like these are traps and black holes for engaging conflict effectively. They complexify conflict even while they purport to simplify it. And they may be giving mediators, mediation and conflict coaches a bad name. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management Tagged With: anger management, george carlin, mediation, SOBCon

4th of july declaration of interdependence

3 July 2008 by Tammy Lenski 3 Comments

I created this a while back and the 4th of July holiday seems like the right time to share it again, particularly since so many of you are new readers (thank you!).

Here’s my Declaration of Interpendence:

(Can’t see the video in your feed reader or email? Click here to go to My Declaration of Interdependence.)

Happy holiday weekend for those of you here in the U.S.
Tammy
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

Filed Under: Organizational conflict management Tagged With: declaration of independence
Loading

Share this page

  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
Print Print

About

Conflict Zen ® is about the simple yet powerful habits of mind and word that radically shift problems and turn conflict into opportunity. Dr. Tammy Lenski, a conflict management consultant for 15 years, shares what really works for organizational, management, business and executive conflict resolution.

Subscribe

Subscribe via RSS
Get new articles by email
7 top reasons to subscribe

Resources

Talking It Out in Ten   Making Mediation Your Day Job

Recent articles

  • You can’t train your way out of organizational conflict
  • Business seminar for Georgia conflict resolution professionals
  • Change your negotiation and conflict habits
  • 8 common reasons agreements fall apart after workplace negotiations
  • Organizational conflict increased by entitled workers, new study suggests

Featured at

9rules member alltop featured blog

Copyright © 1997-2010 by Tammy Lenski LLC, Peterborough, NH 03458 | 603.565.2279 | Site powered by the Genesis Theme Framework and WPMU DEV
ISSN 1942-7174 | Terms of Use and Disclosure Statement