2009 April | Conflict Zen

Unclutter your negotiations at the women's leadership summit

conflict zen news I’ll be speaking at the Women’s Leadership Summit in Manchester, NH on June 12. This is my second year speaking at the Summit, which includes so many smart women (and men) that I’m delighted to have been invited back.

Here’s a sneak peak at my two sessions, Unclutter Your Negotiations and Focus on What Really Matters:

Too many negotiations get cluttered with baggage, sidetracks, pop-psych diagnoses and other traps that inhibit reaching resolution and minimizing debris in personal and professional relationships.

A professional mediator and negotiation coach will teach you how to unclutter negotiations and focus on the most important parts of the discussion. You will learn how to:

Recognize what is really important in any negotiation.

Keep the conversation on track.

Set aside the garbage and prevent it from polluting the negotiation.

You can find out more about the conference and registration by visiting the Women’s Leadership Summit website. Last year both my sessions sold out quickly, so if you’re planning to attend, I encourage you to register soon.
Tammy
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

The gift of anger between friends

healthy relationships Years ago, I had a disagreement with one of my mediation faculty colleagues. No, disagreement is too mild a word. It was an argument, a teeth-gritting, pulse-popping thriller of a clash. It wasn’t loud, but it was vehement.

About what? Who knows. That’s not the memory that was worth tucking away.

The memory that was worth tucking away was the incredible gift my colleague, Alice, gave me later, hours after the argument, when I apologized for my contribution and for the childish way I’d acted with someone I treasure, and when she apologized for what she brought to the event.

“I’m sorry, Alice,” I said. “I feel rotten about how I handled myself. You must be shocked now that you’ve seen my hundred-year storm.”

“No,” said Alice, “I’m not shocked, I’m grateful.”

I’d been staring at the floor when she spoke, and now my head popped up in surprise. “Grateful?” From what planet did this woman come?

Alice said the words I’ll never forget: “Yes. Now I know you truly consider me a friend. You let me see a side of yourself that was unfiltered and raw. Only a friend would do that.”

Alice showed true grace in that moment. Instead of chastising me for hurting our friendship with my anger, she embraced me. It’s a lesson I’ll always hold close to my heart.

It’s tempting to think of a blow-up with a dear friend or loved one as adversity, an instant of serious conflict. It’s not wrong to think of it that way, certainly. But if you think of it as adversity, you’re likely to act as one who must survive it. If you think of it is a gift, as Alice did, I wonder how your reaction would change?
Tammy
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.

This is my contribution to my buddy Robert Hruzek’s group writing project on adversity.
Tammy
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.