“I hear you” has gotten to be a tired phrase. And why is it that it seems to come out of the mouth of the person whom we believe, at that very moment, isn’t hearing us at all?

Instead of saying “I hear you” to let someone know you understand, actually say back the essence of their message. The act of reflecting back what you understand, in your own words, will help the other person really feel heard and also double-checks your understanding.

And next time someone says, “I hear you” during a disagreement, smile pleasantly and say, “Great! What did you hear?”