In computer science, garbage in, garbage out (or GIGO) refers to the notion that faulty input yields erroneous output.

GIGO is true in conflict and resolution, too. For instance:

Garbage in: Diagnosis of their personality flaws or psychological condition (e.g., they’re just rude, passive-aggressive, manipulative, etc.).
Garbage out: Argument focuses on what’s wrong with them and how to fix it. They, of course, defend and push back. You’re off to the races.

Garbage in: Belief that your solution is the right or best one for everyone involved.
Garbage out: Disagreement becomes a tug-of-war because they think the same about their own solution or don’t agree that yours will work.

Garbage in: Blaming them for the problem, dispute or conflict.
Garbage out: Blame may be soothing balm for your ego, but it isn’t for theirs. Argument gets side-tracked as they defend themselves or blame you in return. And you’re off to the races again.

Garbage in: Demanding an apology as a condition of staying in the conversation or being willing to resolve the problem with them.
Garbage out: Outrage from them or the kind of apology that’s useless. Then the conversation degrades into who got hurt more. Demands for apology rarely yield the desired result.

Preventing GIGO is very learnable, either through your own commitment to study and practice, or with support. For those of you new to Conflict Zen®, I teach folks how to prevent GIGO in my Conflict Zen® retreats, workshops and one-on-one coaching.

Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.