My monthly roundups are links to ideas and articles that help make relationships stronger, workplaces more dynamic, conversations more collaborative, and conflict more constructive:
Slacker Manager has a lovely post on the importance of approaching feedback with the right intention, reminding us that feedback isn’t necessarily positive or negative…it just is: There Is No Such Thing as Positive or Negative Feedback. For a bit more on feedback, here’s a post of mine from some time ago: Feedback Sandwiches Don’t Work.
Seth Godin muses about the value of being wrong sometimes and why we shouldn’t work so hard to avoid it. Comfort with being wrong allows us the freedom to put creativity, brainstorming and scenario-testing ahead of perfection. Read more at The Need to Be Right.
I’m not a huge fan of meetings for meetings’ sake. Some meetings are an excellent use of time, but many aren’t. I think we should use them more judiciously in our workplaces and make them really powerful tools when we do use them. Just how expensive is that meeting you’re sitting in? PayScale’s free online Meeting Miser lets you calculate the cost of a meeting by entering the estimated salaries of everyone in the room.
Thom Singer at Some Assembly Required offers up some wisdom on cleaning the slate after getting off on the wrong foot with a co-worker. You don’t have to live with the dynamic you started with! Found via Chris Bailey.
Divorce360 is “for people contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it—custody, child support, alimony and litigation.” It’s getting some buzz in the blogosphere and if you know someone who’s navigating the difficult waters of divorce, you might send them over to see the myriad support resources.
Copyright © 2007 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.
Any thoughts on how to resolve conflict in a relationship where one person is an avid conflict avoider and the other is an indiscriminate confronter?
Thank you!
Hi, Anastasia -
Thanks for your good question! I can offer a few quick thoughts about where you might start:
- One or both of you get some conflict resolution training or individualized coaching from someone who knows conflict resolution and communication skills…even a few hours can make a difference.
- Take the time to talk out the style differences when you’re not angry and come up with a joint plan for what to do when problems arise. The key is probably to identify ways the confronter can cool down before confronting and the avoider can work up the courage to address the problem.
- Read a good book or two on the subject. You might try Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh or Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton and Heen.
I’ve got a few prior articles that might be of interest:
http://conflictzen.com/confronting-conflict-raise-an-issue-or-let-it-go/
http://conflictzen.com/stepping-up-to-difficult-conversations-what-my-grad-students-taught-me/
http://conflictzen.com/conflict-avoidance-reason-1-it-will-hurt-the-relationship/
http://conflictzen.com/conflict-coaching-for-marion-part-1/
http://conflictzen.com/how-to-use-a-conflict-management-coach/
Kind regards,
Tammy