A Unitarian Universalist minister was once my student in a negotiation course. At the end of the course, by way of thanks, he gave me the gift of one of his books, a collection of reflections on life. There’s a gentle calmness about the collection, and one entry in particular that I return to again and again.
In Consider the Lilies Rev. Stephen Shick reflects on a colleague who had a habit of putting the present moment into perspective by comparing it to well-known historical moments. He’d say things like, “We are in the same moment as the Union Army was at Gettysburg right before the reinforcements arrived.”
Stephen turned his friend’s historical predilection into a lovely meditation for tense and stressful moments:
“I began practicing viewing my own life as a historian might. When I felt particularly stressful I would get up from my desk, walk to the corner of the room, and watch myself at work. Often I would find myself laughing fondly at the man hunched tensely over his desk. Then I would briefly narrate the situation. This little exercise helped me to step outside of my self-centered view of the world. In our troubled world I am finding more need to be a disciplined observer of my own life.”
When you’re in tension with someone, or in a tough spot at work, such groan zone moments can take up a lot of real estate in your mind. That real estate can be a brownfield, full of toxins that poison you. Or the real estate can be a beautiful garden, filled with light, fresh air and inspiration.
Stephen chooses light and fresh air in his meditation. What do you choose?
Conflict Zen® by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConfictZen.Lenski.com.
I chose to focus on every detail of what’s happening so I can break down and analyze why it is happening. And I try to avoid talking too much. Sometimes I jsut breath slowly.
Chris Austrias last blog post..Justice vs. Mercy: Which Side Are You On?
Hey, Chris, thanks for sharing your approach. I like your blend of focus, breathing slowly, and avoiding too much talking.
Great to find your blog, by the way. Your post on Justice vs. Mercy, particularly the quote, “Some people mistake revenge and vengeance as justice,” gave me food for reflection over my morning coffee.
I close my eyes and transport myself up to Christie Lake, a place that is near and dear in my heart. A few visualized minutes on the lake, and I’m much calmer. This visualization also helped me birth my third child at home, so it has become my “visualization mantra.”
I generally try to avoid conflict, but I know that’s not always possible.
I like that history idea – but unfortunately I don’t know enough history to try that myself!
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Karen, visualizing a treasured spot is such a good calming technique. There’s a little beach in Bermuda I find myself at in my mind and I’m guessing your Christie Lake must offer a similar peace. It was great to meet you at SOBCon and chat on the deck of the boat with the Chicago skyline in the background.
Trisha, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I think Stephen’s meditation works without any need to know much in-depth history knowledge. I think of his approach like a mini-time travel.
Hi Tammy, reading about comparing your stressful situation to a momentous past moment in history reminds me of Abraham Lincoln’s thought, “this too shall pass”….don’t know that that was intended by the Stephen’s colleague but that’s what I thought of. Thanks!
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Hi, JoLynn – You know, it’s funny that you mention that Lincoln quote, because I use it as a reminder to myself. While I think Stephen was talking more about stepping outside yourself and looking at yourself and time to understand the present moment is but one, I think your connection to the Lincoln quote is a lovely add-on.
Thanks for stopping by and I hope you’ll visit again.