After my post Women and Conflict: Have You Lost Your Voice? earlier this week, several women wrote and asked variations of this question:
Are there good books or courses for learning better conflict management techniques so that I can find my “right voice”?
The short answer: Yes. The longer and more thorough answer: Maybe not.
I’ve been a trainer, teacher and coach for quite a while now. And the longer I do this work, the more convinced I become that the answer does not rest in learning new techniques for anger management, new recipes for dealing with difficult people, or new formulas for negotiating better, though these approaches do provide some respite. This dawning belief has certainly changed how I train and coach.
The real path to doing conflict better and creating a little more peace in our lives lies in learning how to access and use the real voice that is ours and ours alone. When we use our voices well, we sing.
Interesting comments on anger. While it is always easy to be quick to argue, do you agree the more honorable person may be one who is able to keep control and avoid conflict? Opportunities that may materialize had a person been less angry could pass by.
Linda, I think the honorable person is the one who can manage herself pretty well in the moment and also confront the important conflicts. Avoidance is overrated, I believe, when it comes to the important matters with valued or needed people in our lives. I agree that a flash of anger can cause miss opportunities and I’m so glad you raised this.
Best to you,
Tammy